I'm going to be generous here. Even though I think Tom Cruise is an evil little munchkin of Scientology and Katie Holmes is his carefully brainwashed slave, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I don't think they're weird enough to lighten little Suri's hair.
It's just that she's in different lighting, or it's one of those weird things that happens with kids as they grow up, right? Come on, no one is that insane, right? Right?
Via Yeeeah.
MSNBC.com says they're "putting the whole couch incident in the past" but I will NOT forget the couch! Tom Cruise is a couch-jumper! He's reputed to be secretly gay! He hates shrinks!
And he's going to return to "Oprah" for the first time since that famed couch-jumping incident, during this May's sweeps week - coincidentally the 25th anniversary of his "Risky Business" breakthrough.
Suri Cruise's birthday cost $100,000. Tom Cruise is losing money hand over fist. A hundred grand here, a hundred grand there. United Artists is teetering on the brink. "Lions For Lambs" flopped and "Valkyrie" is in trouble. The Scientology treatments can't be cheap, either, and you know Katie's got to be expensive to maintain.
Will Tom end up as the next MC Hammer?
Rope Of Silicon has some speculation about scheduling delays on the Tom Cruise WWII flick "Valkyrie" that should unnerve anyone in the Cruise camp. The film's release date has bounced around repeatedly: From June or August dates, it moved to October and has now now been pushed back to February 2009.
The studio says they're trying to take advantage of President's Day weekend, but Rope Of Silicon says it's looking like the movie is in trouble and needs a lot more work. If Tom Cruise can't pull this off, he'll have lost a lot of credibility as an actor and as a producer.
How weird! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes try to avoid medicating her when it's not necessary, and don't let her watch TV or eat food that's bad for her! And they have play-dates with other people in their church! Suri Cruise must have the weirdest life on the planet! STRANGE CULT RITUALS like nap-time after lunch?
Did you know that children under two aren't really supposed to watch TV in general? How totally abnormal is it that the Cruise family is following the American Pediatric Association's recommendations about screen time for young children?
I don't know if other people will think it's child abuse not to let your kids eat McDonalds, but seriously, this sounds like a pretty conscientious (and at least in my circles, normal) parenting technique to me.
I'm not saying this as a defender of Scientology, either. I'm saying this as a critic of Star Magazine, which seems unable to produce anything actually "weird" about them, when you just know there has to be something totally bizarro going on.
Last week, I wrote that I was absolutely livid that Tom Cruise got first pick of what may be the world's greatest motorcycle, the all-new Ducati Desmoseidici RR.
Well, I'm not the only one: Celebitchy and TMZ say there's a rumor that Brad Pitt was furious about it too. In fact, they say he was so angry he tried to get all other D16RR shipments stopped until he could get his.
I don't believe it, for three reasons. One, Brad Pitt is more of a chopper man than a sport rider. Why would he even want this bike, much less be enraged that someone else got it first? Two, Brad doesn't have a diva reputation and knows better than to develop one.
Third and most importantly, this is exactly the sort of urban-legend story gossips all want to hear: It's got the hero (Brad) against the crazy villain (Tom) fighting for fairness, and yet it still paints both of them as children squabbling over toys, so we can feel better about ourselves.
Just days after this video was posted at SuperDeluxe and DamnShow.com, someone broke into the Damn! Show website and deleted everything. Damn! Show producers also got a number of intimidating emails and phone calls. Either they've touched a nerve, or they've broken into their own website to garner publicity for themselves. I'm cool with both, frankly.
See also: Kimora Lee Simmons is helping recruit African Americans to the side of Scientology, despite L. Ron Hubbard's record of decidedly insensitive comments.
Tom Cruise is a Scientologist. Nancy Cartwright, voice of Bart Simpson, is a Scientologist. Obviously, we need to have some kind of viral video parodying this fact.
While we're on the subject of Xenu, Kirstie Alley's legal team is angry at the fact that people are making fun of her religion. It's a good point: We should be more fair-minded and make fun of other religions just as much as we make fun of Scientology. I'll get right on that. Somebody email me a joke about the pope, quick.
I will forgive a couch-jumping, cult-promoting movie star for a lot of things. Marrying and brainwashing Katie Holmes? Sure, whatever. Sure, I don't care. Private jets? Monogrammed Bentleys? Fine.
But dammit, Tom Cruise is the first person to get one of just 1500 Ducati Desmosedici RR motorcycles and I'm furious.
The $72,000 machine has been described in early reviews as an incredible bargain, because it is basically a street-legal edition of a MotoGP race bike, something which usually costs hundreds of thousands of dollars just to lease for a single year. Like the ultra-rare Ferrari Enzo, it's sure to become more rare and more valuable as time goes on - assuming he doesn't wreck it.
I don't know why I'm so angry at Tom about this. He's not taking one away from me, obviously: It's out of my price range, way too powerful for my skill level, and I don't even like the way it looks that much. But for some reason it just annoys the hell out of me that, of all the people in the world, Tom Cruise should get the first D16RR off the line.
Katie Holmes is rumored to be embarrassed by Tom Cruise and annoyed by the religion she married into. Cult? Religion? Same thing, right? (IDLYITW)
Kirstie Allie says Scientology has its own language, and that's why its doctrines sound so strange to the rest of us. (Celebitchy)
Meanwhile, a rather unsubtle group of "pranksters" (i.e. jerks) on the Internet are hassling Scientologists (Futurismic).
They've gotten good publicity so far but it could be pretty counterproductive. And are they crossing the line on religious tolerance? (Xenu TV)
Kathy Griffin is taking on Scientology in her standup act. I guess that means neither of her fans will sign on for "personality tests." (Defamer)
Tom Cruise may be the biggest celebrity in the church, but "The Simpsons" voice Nancy Cartwright gave more than twice as much money as he did last year. Ten. Million. Dollars. (The Blemish)
Leah Remini, an OT-V (compare to Tom's level OT-VII), is trying to become J-Lo's baby's godparent. She's also written quite an interesting letter to church members encouraging them to take more classes and gain levels. (Superficial)
