Glitterati Gossip

You Missed Your Chance To Buy Pam Anderson's Undies

If there is a motto for Pamela Anderson's career, it has to be "why be classy, when being tacky will get you so much more press?" Somehow, she approaches trashiness with a certain panache that your younger, stupider stars have never really managed. Take note, BritBrit, you may be willing to shave your head to get a little ink, but I bet you never had the big brass balls necessary to sell your used undies at a garage sale.

The former "Baywatch" boobies and the woman they're attached to had a garage sale this weekend; among the treasures available to fans were a golf cart, several chocolate fondue fountains, a hot pink butt-blaster exercise machine and yes, some indelicate delicates. It's hard to imagine the kind of person who would buy Pamela Anderson's used panties, but I think it's safe to say they're probably housed in a shrine or adorning the ass of a RealDoll as we speak.

If you missed the fun, don't worry, the camera crew for her reality TV show was on hand, so I'm guessing you'll be able to catch Pam, the fans and the illustrious undies on TV eventually.

Via Hollywood Rag.

New Year's Resolutions For Kim Kardashian, Pam Anderson, And More

Kim Kardashian has resolved to wear more animal prints and keep her boobs squeezed into uncomfortable positions whenever there's a camera around. Oh, and to more consistently outdo her sisters at everything related to "Keeping Up With The Kardashians."

Pam Anderson Mocks The Sanctity Of Marriage

Already filing for divorce.

Oops, no, nevermind. She's just had a fight with her husband but they've decided not to break up over it. Probably they were arguing about whether to release a new sex tape.

Allegations About Pam And Linds

Industry blog HotelChatter says Lindsay Lohan has been banned from a fancy hotel after trashing a room there while she was dating rehab romance Riley Giles. Word is they spent two days there, and when they left it required a professional cleaning crew just to try to get the smell of smoke out of the walls. Oh, and there's the matter of the bloody syringe, which these days requires a visit from hotel security and a hazardous-waste disposal fee. Lindsay herself seems like hazardous waste, if you know what I mean.

Jonathan Jaxon over at JJ's Dirt does not shy away from saying very specific things about very specific people. In this case, he's alleging that Pam Anderson has been spending an awful lot of time getting coked up with Criss Angel. So, she's a vegetarian and refuses to wear diamonds because of the ethical morass of blood diamonds, but has no problem supporting the cocaine trade and hanging out with a man who appears to be single-handedly keeping DeBeers in business. I guess nobody ever alleged that Pam Anderson had any common sense.

Diddy vs. Pam Anderson In Animal Fashion Wars

Buzznet says Diddy was spotted wearing a fur coat. Total scandal.

He knows those come from killing cute animals, right? I mean, sure, leather shoes come from dead animals too, but those aren't nearly as cute. I suppose Diddy doesn't much care about killing animals, given how many of the albums he's produced or sponsored or promoted glorify killing people. But whatever. Fur coats are evil!

It's so easy to hate fur-coat wearers, because they are few, and rich, and ostentatious jerks. You can't hate people who wear leather, because everybody does that, at least in shoes. The only people who don't wear leather shoes are filthy hippies and Pamela Anderson.

I guess it's OK though, because Pam's totally balancing out all of P. Diddy's seal-clubbing, and then some. Not only is she always getting naked for PETA (yeah, for PETA, that's it), she's sponsoring a vegetarian Thanksgiving for homeless people. Because you know any kind of food is going to be a big hit with hungry people who have nowhere else to go.

Pam Anderson And Chris Crocker Teach Us About Libel

TMZ says Pamela Anderson has sent a cease and desist letter to the blogger who claims she's a coked-up whore. Now, if I'd written that letter, it would say either that Pam Anderson can stop any time she wants, or that she is a model of sobriety and temperance, because those things would be funny. That's why I'm not a lawyer. The letter the blogger got just tells them to shut up.

I don't have much sympathy for Pam Anderson, because part of her job is to inspire rumors like that, whether they're true or not. But I don't have any sympathy for the blogger who published those allegations.

Saying things like that is really a beginner's mistake. For an example, let's look at Chris Crocker, best known as "Leave Britney Alone Guy." In a recent (and to my mind hilarious)  publicity stunt, he re-enacted Britney's famous crotch-flash. Now, if I wanted to use that moment to insinuate that, say, he's a drug addict, I could say  "In this picture, we can clearly see that Chris Crocker is is a coked-out whore." But that would be wrong, and not just because I totally made it up. It would be wrong because it's a direct statement that could harm his reputation (such as it is), and therefore could be construed as libel and make me the target of a lawsuit.

Instead, anyone wishing to make a more reasonable insult would just say "In this picture, Chris Crocker is acting like a coked-out whore." Now, that's just as un-funny and just as mean, but it avoids accusing him of being a coked-out whore. He could (and, in my honest opinion, is) a brilliant performance artist making a clever commentary about our societal obsession with coked-out whores. I honestly don't know anything about whether he takes drugs, what drugs he would take if he did take drugs, and how much he might charge for an hour of his time.

Growing Up To Be Pam Anderson

OMG! says Red Sox fans get a little nuts... just like Pam Anderson does, if her friends are to be believed.

Paris Hilton, Kid Rock, Make Fun Of Pam Anderson, Rick Salomon

Now that Paris Hilton's sex-tape partner Rick Salomon is married to Pamela Anderson, Kid Rock suddenly has something in common with the hotel heiress: they both hate the same people. That probably explains why ENewsBuzz spotted them hanging out in Toronto.

They were probably gloating over Pam and Rick's reaction to the wedding present Paris got them: a video camera. I have to admit, this makes me like Paris more. Giving a video camera to a couple of people who have both starred in separate home-made sex tapes is a bit more clever than I usually give her credit for.

Pam Anderson Lets Her Implants Do The Thinking

What happens when Pam Anderson lets her breast implants do the thinking: marriage. Imagine, if you will, the discussion:

Left breast implant: Hey, I've got an idea!

Right breast implant: What's that?

Left breast implant: So, you know how we starred in a sex tape awhile back, with that guy with the enormous wang and all those tattoos and Hepatitis? And how Sarah Silverman made fun of us at a Comedy Central Roast about it, but since then we've been kind of our of the limelight

Right breast implant: Uh, yeah. Where are you going with this?

Left breast implant: We should totally do that again! We should get married to some guy who's also been in a sex tape! And then release a new sex tape! We'd be famous again!

Right breast implant: Uh, OK.

(Photo of saline implants, probably not belonging to Pam Anderson, courtesy of the Wikimedia Commons).

Third Marriages

Most people who go through multiple marriages tend to take at least a little time to pause and reflect. They think about just how much of the failure was theirs as opposed to their exes, whether they ought to get married again, and if so, under what circumstances, and whether to get some counseling about picking appropriate partners.

Not Pam Anderson!  Access Hollywood reports that she's going to marry Rick Salomon, a man best known for boffing Paris Hilton on camera.

You know, maybe Pam has put a lot of thought into this: The couple's crowning achievements so far in life have been sex tapes (if you don't count "Baywatch," and I don't). Maybe we'll see some great cinematography from them over the coming weeks before the inevitable divorce.

This also brings to mind the post I wrote last time I used this same Pam Anderson picture, asking whether Pam will become the next hot mess to obsess the nation. She's got the Page Six feature from last week and now the dubious marriage, so it's entirely possible that she's on track to returning to the top of the gossip charts. All we need is another sex tape and/or fistfight among exes.

If so, half-hearted congratulations are in order. Maybe there's some sort of greeting card we can send her that says "I hoped I would never see your genitals again, and yet here they are. Congratulations on bringing your Q-score out of the basement."