Glitterati Gossip

British People: Still Classy; Weird

Alright, with all this news on celebrities behaving badly, let's take a moment to enjoy how smashing Anna Popplewell (Susan Pevensie in the Narnia films) looks at the "Prince Caspian" premiere. Seriously, isn't she adorable folks? Plus, reporting this let's me say Popplewell a lot, which is a fun name to say.

 

Tilda Swinton, on the other hand, still looks basically like the world's most elegant alien invader. Seriously folks, she is not from earth, can you get behind me on this? We can only hope that she's one of those benevolent aliens who is here to cure cancer and observe our ways, and not one of those aliens who plans to harvest our organs while we sleep.

Made Of Honor With Patrick Dempsey And Michelle Monaghan

Some people think Patrick Dempsey is good-looking. And I guess he is, in that way that makes all other men hate him. I've got nothing against Michelle Monaghan, except that she's standing next to Patrick Dempsey, and I hate his smug good looks so much that anyone willing to stand next to him is sure to absorb some of my rage.

Oh, they're in a movie together. It's a rom-com. Whatever.

"Polanski Unathorized" Premiere Does Not Feature Polanski

Phoebe Price (below) attended the premiere of "Polanski Unauthorized." David Carradine was there, as were Leah Grimmson and Jed Maheu. But for some reason, Roman Polanski didn't show up for the premiere of a movie about him.

Oh yeah, I know why. It's because he's still wanted in the US for that whole incident inovlving a 13 year old girl, champagne, quaalludes, and unlawful sexual intercourse.

"Three And Out" Premiere Includes Terrifying Posh Imposter

OMG I am so bored with the ongoing twaddle over "Is Paris Hilton A Genius Or Not" - Hayden Panettiere thinks she is, apparently, which is a mark off for Hayden in my book. Let's hop over to England and look at the premiere of "Three And Out," a comedy involving people who commit suicide by jumping in front of trains. Yeah, there's been some controversy there, but despite a few protests from the railway union, it still looks pretty good. Plus, it's got Gemma Arterton, who's about to become famous in the US as the hottie in the next Bond flick, "A Quantum Of Solace."

And you know it's not officially a big event in London until one of those creepy British "glamour" models shows up with her cartoonishly inflated rack. Hello, Jodie Marsh! She's kind of scary, to be honest. OK, more than kind of scary. It's as though Victoria Beckham were attacked with a compressed air hose: The perfect hair fried and the curves inflated way beyond what nature intended, but somehow also still skeletal and inhuman.

Ron Perlman And Selma Blair

Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Comicon, Hellboy: All things come together all at once, and you've got this picture. I've loved Ron Perlman since "The City Of Lost Children," and while "Hellboy" doesn't exactly live up to that standard, I'm just glad there's a job in movies for a man with a face the size of a midsize sedan.

Selma Blair ain't half bad either. Good enough to make me see "Hellboy II: The Golden Army?" Well, maybe if the tickets were free and my air conditioning broke.

Jonathon Schaech Reminds You That Guns Don't Kill People

People with mustaches kill people. Mustaches like Jonathon Scaech's mustache. Also, creepy psychotic inmates released from prison on Prom Night kill people. And especially they kill whoever has sex, leaves the group, or insists that everything is fine.

Leelee Sobieski: Obviously A Robot

I don't know if Leelee Sobieski was ever human, but she's obviously been replaced by an evil robot. Look at those dead, dead eyes staring out at the cameras at the "88 Minutes" premiere. (Also, that movie looks like it's going to suck, and the producers know it. Why else would they have the premiere party at Planet Hollywood? Ew.)

Plus: After the jump, Al Pacino looking an awful lot like Keith Richards! God, that's creepy.

Signs "New York I Love You" Will Be A Success

1) It contains Hayden Christensen.

Reviews Of Movies I'll Never See: "Shopaholic"

Ilsa Fisher (below, dressed as Big Bird) is cute, I'll give her that. And I do love a fantasy of New York. But a fun little movie about shopping addiction and marrying rich is about as realistic as tacking a happy ending onto "Requiem For A Dream" in which the boys make it back to Brooklyn with a pound of pure scag, mom gets onto that TV show, and everyone nods off happily ever after. I suppose that compulsive shopping is a little more socially acceptable than compulsive injecting of Class I narcotics, but either way, I don't see the point of this movie. Maybe if I were fifteen and needed a place to make out, I'd go, but isn't that what the back seat of someone's car is for?

Sincere Post For The Day: Steve Buscemi Is Expressive

I think Steve Buscemi is a great actor because his face is so expressive. Yeah, I know this isn't the usual snark and bitchery you want from me. Gimme a few more minutes to let the hangover dissipate, will you? Jeez.