Glitterati Gossip

Give Your Child A Jumpstart In The Hoochie Race

Why, Beyonce, Why? We understand that you're ho-tackular, and that's fine with us - believe me, it's more than fine - we like you as tacky and slutty as all get out, we do. We've accepted that it's gotten to the point where we can no longer believe what 12-year olds are wearing in the race to emulate you and people like you, but can you keep your hands off the pre-schoolers at least?

Please, take a gander at this ad for House of Dereon:

And you thought pageant babies were creepy, right? What is up with this? Who thinks it's a good idea to dress their child this way? When I was six my fanciest shoes were a pair of patent leather mary janes, not bright red pumps with a three-inch heel.

I'm sure any of my readers who happen to be parents are the kind of tasteful, sane human beings who would never dress their kid like this, but if you happen to know anyone who might be this kind of superultramegatacky, please allow me to intervene on your behalf. I will personally bitchslap anyone who dresses their kid like this, and then I will buy that kid some OshKosh.

Via PopGumbo.

Beyonce Is Photoshopped

TMZ's feature on celebrities with sweat-stained armpits is marred by the fact that at least one of the pictures of Beyonce looks pretty badly faked. Head over to Photoshop Disasters for an explanation of how Beyonce came to have three arms and one soggy pit.

Can You Tell Truth From Fiction?

From a weblog titled Beyonceitis but also known as The Wig Crypt comes news that Beyonce and Rihanna are in the midst of a serious beef: Rihanna brought Jay-Z up on stage with her during the Grammys, without even saying hello to Beyonce, and now Beyonce and her family are totally enraged.  Beyonceitis says it took "Jesus, Joseph, Mary J. Blige, and Fantasia to hold Beyonce back from tackling Rihanna like she's at the Super Bowl."

From Crazy Days And Nights, a story about Jamie Lynn Spears: "She only drinks with friends, and in private, and often she just drinks alone. 'Some people drink to have a good time,' the insider said. 'But she drank to get wrecked. She drank to get messed up and forget about her mother, her sister and all of that.'

Well, I guess it's pretty obvious which one of them is supposed to be true and sad, and which one is supposed to be made-up and funny. I suppose it's possible that that Beyonce and Rihanna are beefing, just like it's possible that Jamie Lynn is actually a well-adjusted young woman in an awkward situation.

But seriously, a well-adjusted kid gets a damn abortion, hushes it up, and goes on with her life. The whole thing just makes me want to go back to bed. And it's only three. I promised I'd stay up until at least six. It's hard to stay awake more than twelve hours a day recently, I swear.

My Opinion About Beyonce's Underwear And Other Short Short Stories

Beyonce wears Spanx support undies, says Seriously OMG. And let me tell you, those things totally work! You're not really supposed to show them off like Beyonce is doing in that picture (click through, I don't have it licensed) but they're great under a short dress, because if it flies up it looks like you're just wearing little shorts, and nobody sees your junk.  Plus, if you wear them with thigh-high hose, you can clip your pistol or emergency money in there and nobody will be the wiser.

One of Duane "Dog The Bounty Hunter" Chapman's other kids says his dad isn't a racist, according to TMZ. I almost agree: He's really more of an insensitive dumbass than an organized racist. Not to say that he's a decent human being, but A&E didn't put him on TV because he was a nice guy.

Another D-list rapper has gone and gotten himself arrested, and TMZ is there, of course. This time it's Trey Songz. I wasn't really sure who he was, and neither was the Springfield MA police department. The po-po were also not impressed when he expected special celebrity treatment. Will hassling cops prove to be a good career move for the young Mr. Songz? Probably. It's made him semi-famous for a few minutes, at least.

iVillage says Christina Applegate is hooking up with her ex-husband. Nothing like ex-sex, eh? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink? You know, I thought she was wicked hot back in the day. You ever see "Donnie Darko?" There's a whole joke in there about how hot she was.

Nobody insults ugly clothes like Go Fug Yourself. Today, they feature Avril Lavigne. I agree wholeheartedly. Also I hate her house, which she's trying to sell (again) for 6.2 million dollars.

Beyonce Grown-Up Enough To Have Her Own Phone

Beyonce just launched her own signature cellphone in collaboration with Samsung. Customers who buy one get a special Beyonce color scheme, Beyonce ringtones, Beyonce songs, and Beyonce graphics. And it says "Beyonce" on it. That's so you know that whoever has it is a big Beyonce fan. The hell with Britney, it's Beyonce, beyotch!

Infosync says the new phone is just a special edition of the nothing-special Samsung Upstage, and are obviously a bunch of nerds who don't appreciate R&B.

Personally, I can't comment on the gadget itself, but I can say this about Beyonce's appearance at the launch party: we can see your nipples through that dress.

Daily 7

Go Green - Agent Bedhead

Britney Investigated For Child Abuse - Celebitchy

Quote of the Day - Celebrity Smack!

Dancing With The Stars Casting Round Up - Gabsmash

Hulk's Wife Issues A Statement - TMZ

Beckham Nannies Walk Out - Queen of Snark

Danity Kane Still Together - That Grape Juice

Beyonce Launches New Fragrance

- Licensed photo provided to GG by PR Photos.

Beyonce launches Emporio Armani Diamonds Fragrance at Macy's Herald Square in NYC on Thursday.

I love the dress and shoes - she looks great!

- Licensed photos provided to GG by PR Photos.

Lopez Is Tops When It Comes To Bottoms

- Licensed photo provided to GG by PR Photos.

Who has the best butt in Hollywood Land? According to In Touch, it's Jennifer Lopez!

1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Beyonce Knowles
3. Jessica Biel
4. Kim Kardashian
5. Tyra Banks
6. Halle Berry
7. Fergie
8. Cameron Diaz
9. Mariah Carey
10. Eva Longoria

Beyonce: Taping at TRL

- Licensed photo provided to GG by PR Photos

Beyonce at a taping of TRL on Tuesday. Love her hair, I think she looks great here - and no, she didn't fall this time.

- Licensed photos provided to GG by PR Photos

Beyonce Falls Down The Stairs During Orlando Concert

Beyonce falls halfway down the stairs while performing at a concert in Orlando.  I can't believe she didn't break a bone.