Yes, that's right, Brangelina is expecting not one but two bundles of Jolie-Pitt joy. In an interview with Access Hollywood, Angie confirmed that she is pregnant with twins! This will make the 5th and 6th children to join the United Colors Of Benetton ad that is their family. Give it a couple of years and they can start reenacting episodes of "The Brady Bunch."
Why, Beyonce, Why? We understand that you're ho-tackular, and that's fine with us - believe me, it's more than fine - we like you as tacky and slutty as all get out, we do. We've accepted that it's gotten to the point where we can no longer believe what 12-year olds are wearing in the race to emulate you and people like you, but can you keep your hands off the pre-schoolers at least?
Please, take a gander at this ad for House of Dereon:
And you thought pageant babies were creepy, right? What is up with this? Who thinks it's a good idea to dress their child this way? When I was six my fanciest shoes were a pair of patent leather mary janes, not bright red pumps with a three-inch heel.
I'm sure any of my readers who happen to be parents are the kind of tasteful, sane human beings who would never dress their kid like this, but if you happen to know anyone who might be this kind of superultramegatacky, please allow me to intervene on your behalf. I will personally bitchslap anyone who dresses their kid like this, and then I will buy that kid some OshKosh.
Via PopGumbo.
Although hes not yet a year old, he calls himself Dreamboat Baby, and says "I read at a collegiate level and my organs are made of gold." Yeah, it's a character-blog. And it's funny. And you should read it.
Jennifer Lopez is said to have sold the rights to publish the first pictures of her twins (the children, not the boobs) to People for six million dollars. It seems like a ridiculous amount of money, but outlets as serious Ad Age say that's not surprising: Magazine readers like celebrity babies. Even though nobody really cares about J-Lo anymore, they still loooove babies. And these are twins!
But six million dollars? For one article in one issue of a weekly magazine? For Jennifer Lopez? You can find plenty of magazine business people who think it's a big mistake.
Look at the numbers: People has a total circulation of about 3.75 million, of which about 1.5 million come at the newsstand. Obviously, only newsstand sales are going to be affected by a snappy cover. Even if you're making a generous three dollars of profit per copy sold at the stand, you'd still have to sell an extra two million copies: More than twice a normal week.
Maybe they don't have a choice. Gawker suggests that People is locked in a fight to the death with the well-financed and poorly-scrupled OK! If that's the case, we're likely to see celebrity baby payouts keep getting bigger until at least one of the gossip rags gives up and goes under, or everyone in Hollywood grows tired of childcare.
Cate Blanchett: "Glowing." Due in April. (Just Jared)
Tori Spelling: Not on "Dancing With The Stars" due to baby. (Celebitchy)
Demi Moore: Maybe? (Babble)
Nicole Kidman: Definitely pregnant, but not exactly showing. (Daily Mail)
Avril Lavigne: Maybe pregnant, or possibly buying gifts for a pregnant friend. (E!)
J-Lo: Wants six million dollars for the photo rights for her twins. (NME)
Angelina Jolie: Twins? (Faded Youth)
Mark down two more for the baby-loving couple. I think I need a nap.
China Daily, the most reliably fact-checked English-language Chinese newspaper, reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be adopting yet another child. I guess it makes sense: They have money and attention, and the kids need money and attention. Still, it seems like an awful lot of kids.
Outside Scoop: Nicole Richie had her baby on Friday.
Joel Madden, the baby's presumptive father and Richie's current boyfriend, posted to his blog that it's a girl and they have named her Harlow Winter Kate Madden (after 1930s Hollywood siren Jean Harlow). Madden used an animated glittery GIF image to say it. Because nothing says class like an animated GIF on your MySpace profile. It goes so well with the repeating grey-and-black skulls background.
Well, that's not true. Naming your child after someone who slept with your grandfather and your great-uncle at the same time is probably just as classy. As is trying to get out of household chores by claiming you're not any good at it - Madden also mentions in the announcement that he's terrible at changing diapers. Nice try, buddy. You're not getting out of it.
The couple has done two things right, though: They've started a charitable foundation for kids and asked people to send gifts to that instead of to them, and Nicole says she's going to keep some of the pregnancy weight on, so we no longer have to worry about the baby losing an eye to one of those jutting hipbones.
Last night I saw Gordon Ramsay interviewed on BBC America's "Top Gear" about why he sold his Bentley. For one, he said, it was terrible in corners. More importantly, he found out that Jordan, the chesty topless model (see pics over at ICYDK) had one. The key moment comes about four minutes into this video, although the whole thing is funny:
When rappers started buying Cadillac Escalades and Dodge Magnums, sales of those vehicles picked up among their fans. When rappers started drinking Cristal, sales of Cristal (and other, lesser, champagnes) went up. But what does it do for a brand when a celebrity buys a super-expensive car like a Bentley? If it's a louche star like Britney Spears or Jordan, will it scare off the more traditional audience for those vehicles?
The last two famous people to purchase Mercedes SL coupes - at least, that I know of - are Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay's already crashed and then sold hers. Britney still has hers, although I can't imagine she's going to keep it in very good condition for very long. Do you think that might make people otherwise inclined to spend a quarter-million dollars on a sports coupe pause just a little bit? Imagine hearing about it endlessly it at the country club: "Oh, is that the same as the one Britney hit that paparazzo with?" "No, hers is silver. Mine's gray."
Louis Vuitton has certainly tried to avoid being associated with Britney, suing over the use of their signature print pattern on the interior of a car in a Spears video. Mercedes won't be able to fight Britney for driving their car, of course, but I have to admit that if I were a Mercedes marketing executive, I'd be sending her some BMW brochures.
I don't even have anything to say about this, but go look at HeatWorld's picture of Suri Cruise imitating her dad circa "Cocktail."
Hilarious, right?
