Glitterati Gossip

When A Nipple Slips, We'll Be There: Zoe Kravitz

Summer-weight fabrics and high-intensity flashbulbs: The perfect combination for pervs and fashion critics alike. Today's victim: Zoe Kravitz. Hi, nipples! (Jezebel)

Today's Song: "The Hollows" by WHY?

I've got a video of WHY? playing at SXSW here, but you can also find a very positive review of the band, plus a free download of their single "The Hollows," over at Pitchfork. And let me tell you: I have had this one song on repeat for two days now. When the music is off, I still think I'm hearing it. They have a rueful sense of humor that just tickles me. I especially love the line "I curse the last six months I've been hiding behind a mustache."

Jessica Simpson Will Change Her Name

To Drunky McBoozlestein.

Go On, Brush Your Shoulders Off

Barack Obama knows how to appeal to youth: Starting at around 2:20, he talks about how to respond to negative attacks: You just gotta brush your shoulders off.

If you don't catch the reference, see this Jay-Z video:

Yes, I spotted this over on Yglesias. Yes, this is more political than gossipy, but it's still awesome.

Ashlee Simpson: Let's Not Talk About Pregnancy

Ashlee Simpson says that if she'd been pregnant every time the gossip rags said she was pregnant, she'd be Angelina Jolie by now.

Kelly Clarkson Moves To Nashville?

Sure, Nashville. Why not? "Since U Been Gone" was a huge country sensation, and... no, it just doesn't make any sense for Kelly Clarkson to try to go country. She's doing it, though. (Real Estalker)

Emma Watson's next non-Harry-Potter role is announced: "Napoleon And Betsy," a movie in which she plays a girl with a crush on Napoleon. Probably a good challenge, but creepy as hell. Who the hell as a young woman has a crush on a deposed military leader twice her age? (Hollywood Reporter)

"American Idol" reject Kristy Lee Cook is now engaged. I wouldn't sign the girl to a record deal, much less a lifetime commitment. How long do you think before that poor A&R man has to buy his way out? (US)

Simon Cowell is famously reluctant to get married, because he thinks it's just a divorce waiting to happen. Well, his girlfriend didn't like that idea, or any of the rumors about him cheating, so she's left him. Rumor has it he's not happy, but he's not working that hard to get her back, either. (Celebitchy)

Mariah Carey Hits A False Note

Memo to Mariah Carey: I don't care how rich you are, how many octaves are in your vocal range, or how high and tight your boobs are.

It doesn't change the fact that shorts and tights are a terrible combination.

Ben Stein Is A Blight On Society

Former Nixon speechwriter Ben Stein is one of those people you think is funny because he's amusing in that one movie and is OK on that one game show. But if you actually look at him as a person, and understand who he is, you realize he's a blight on humanity. The Hater agrees with me on this point, as well, citing not only his work for Nixon but his discovery and promotion of Jimmy Kimmel as a "comic" personality.

And don't go defending Nixon. "I am not a crook" my ass. He was a crook, and everyone who worked for him knew it or should have known it, and Ben Stein actually wrote a lot of the speeches that meant Nixon got as far as he did and stayed there as long as he did and caused as much damage to America as he did. And now he's still working, and he's still doing things that hurt America, and it just makes me angry that he's considered funny or amusing or kindly when it should be obvious that he's a malevolent presence in our culture and ought to be shunned by every decent human being.

Leelee Sobieski: Obviously A Robot

I don't know if Leelee Sobieski was ever human, but she's obviously been replaced by an evil robot. Look at those dead, dead eyes staring out at the cameras at the "88 Minutes" premiere. (Also, that movie looks like it's going to suck, and the producers know it. Why else would they have the premiere party at Planet Hollywood? Ew.)

Plus: After the jump, Al Pacino looking an awful lot like Keith Richards! God, that's creepy.

Why Miley Cyrus And Co. Talk About Chastity So Much

Do you think Miley Cyrus and her "I'm not having sex, honest" pals are really talking about sex that much because they think chastity is important? Or are they talking about not having sex because they know that when you think about Miley Cyrus not having sex, you're thinking about Miley and sex at the same time, and dammit, that's awesome, so she gets away with implanting that sexiness in your mind without actually having to take ownership of all those dirty dirty thoughts? Discuss.

In my opinion, people who spend a lot of energy avoiding sex eventually develop some pretty interesting and complicated kinks. But don't take my word for it. Ask anyone who's ever gone to a really repressive high school.