Glitterati Gossip

Oprah Politely Declines An Invitation To Renew

That's how you say "got her dumb show canceled" in Oprahese, a special language spoken only by Oprah, Gayle King and Tom Cruise. Since the viewers stayed away in droves, ABC has canceled "Oprah's Big Give." Of course, just because her show was unceremoniously canceled, you shouldn't assume that it's not all going according to her spooky master plan. Her spokesperson decided to put this spin on it: "Oprah felt like she got a message out there. It was not something she wanted to renew." Only the Big O could make it sound like she got canned because the network simply wasn't up to her snuff. Besides, those grapes in her dressing room were sour anyway.

Via Crazy Days and Nights.

Miley Cyrus Only Hates Seven Things About You

Good news, everyone. Miley Cyrus only hates you 70% as much as Julia Stiles did back in the day. Everyone's favorite half-naked Disney sensation has debuted her new single, "7 things," where she sings about, yes, the seven things she hates about you. I guess Miley's too forgiving to come up with ten things she might be able to hate about you. I certainly wouldn't think that she lacked the imagination to come up with ten, clearly she's an explosive fireball of talent and creativity.

The Only Thing That Would Make This Wedding Interesting

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are getting married this weekend, a fact that is both impossible to miss and profoundly uninteresting. I wasn't even going to mention it if it weren't for this:

Pete Wentz is excited for his upcoming wedding to Ashlee Simpson. So excited, in fact, that he has jokingly exclaimed he wants the ceremony to be themed after the Gremlins sequel.

The Fall Out Boy bassist said in an interview, "We could have it take place in a mall and there could be little green naked monsters running about! We could even have Gizmo as a guest!"

It's a deal, Pete. You dress Ashlee up as a gremlin and I will immediately give a crap about your wedding. Come on, imagine the pictures!

Via A Socialite's Life.

Is A Live-Action Muppet Movie Too Much To Ask?

Well, this just about made my day. TMZ has a gallery of stars paired up with the plush Henson creations they most resemble. They are almost all deeply wonderful, although I think this pairing is the one that really did me in.

Via CityRag.

Shia LaBeouf Loves The Ladies

Ah, to be a 21-year old movie star and kind of a douche. Pretty little lady, Shia LaBeouf, expresses his feelings on romance for GQ magazine, illustrating the special kind of ridiculousness that comes to a young man in his prime.

"I've been in love with every woman I've ever worked with" - a list that includes Megan Fox, Sarah Roemer and Michelle Monaghan. But "there's the three-month attention span that actors have. I don't know if it's mutual, but I really don't care. They have to kiss me when 'action' gets called, anyway, so I'll get what I want."

I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume there's some hyperbole at work, but still... try to restrain yourself ladies, this nugget of manliness could be yours. For three months, anyway.

Via NY Daily News.

Co-Ed Magazine Educates Us On Cougar Seducing

Did you know that women over the age of forty are:

1) Desperate as hell
2) Less clingy than young chicks
3) Universally fans of Gibson Martinis

I bet you didn't! And that's because you don't read Co-Ed Magazine, a fine, fine publication that is here to help with your cougar-seducing needs. Thank god for these guys, really. If it weren't for Co-Ed magazine, 20-something guys would be forced to come up with their own unique ways to make total asses of themselves.

Alanis Is A Broken Pickup Away From Being A Country Singer

Not a week after her ex-sweetie Ryan Reynolds announced his engagement to ludicrously gorgeous Scarlett Johansson, Alanis Morisette is hitting the press circuit, telling everyone how terribly she's suffered. From Yahoo News:

The Canadian pop singer says a recent breakup led to her to try "everything from pounding pillows to sharing with intimate friends" in order to get through "a personal unraveling of significant relationships in my life.

"The record chronicles the rock bottom finally being hit," she tells People.

Yeah, this is a great time to talk about that Alanis, and in no sense makes you look like a psycho. I wonder if that guy from "Full House" and Ryan Reynolds hang out and commiserate with each other. Something tells me sweet little Alanis isn't the world's best ex to have.

Hat In The City: Animals Nesting In SJP's Hair

I understand she's a style icon, and I accept there are certain things I will never understand about fashion, but seriously now. Seriously. What the hell is that on Sarah Jessica's head? She looks like an extra from the Disney on Ice version of Pocahontas, she's the spirit of the acorn or something. Is it a weird, post-modern joke? Is this some kind of Emperor's New Clothes thing? Someone needs to tell me why a person would mount that on their head, stat.

Via Just Jared.

Hayden Panettiere And The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

Am I the only one who has never heard the rumors that "Heroes" cutie Hayden Panettiere is a lesbian? Wasn't she dating Milo Ventimiglia? Last I checked, he was a boy. Twice her age, but a boy. Still, you have to love The Sun's commitment to the inflammatory headline; "Hayden 'lesbian lust' for Jolie!?!??!??!!!ones!!!11eleventy!!!" Note to Hayden, sarcasm is usually lost on tabloids.

Ben Affleck Manages To Be Reasonably Classy

You know that flicker of irritation you feel when someone brings up your crazy ex in conversation? Imagine the someone was a journalist, and your crazy ex was Jennifer Lopez. Now imagine you're Ben Affleck, and you're career is kind of in the shitter despite the fact that you made a really good movie, because no one went and saw that movie.

"If I have a big regret, it was doing the music video. But that happened years ago. I've moved on."

But Affleck insists he isn't blaming Lopez for his career nosedive: "It not only makes me look like a petulant fool (to blame Lopez), but it surely qualifies as ungentlemanly? For the record, did she hurt my career? No."

You know, I always thought Affleck was kind of a tool, but it seems like some time out of the paparazzi spotlight and away from Bennifer 1.0 has been good for him. But since he won't say it, let's all just think it on his behalf. Hell yes, she hurt his career.

Via Seriously? OMG!

Weekend Woundup

Dennis Farina tries to bring a gun on a plane. He's mobbed up, right? - LA Times

Are Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson engaged? Is this good for his mental health? - Dlisted

Dear Amy Winehouse, I am sending you a delicious sandwich. Please eat it. - Seriously? OMG! WTF?

David Archuleta's dad is too annoying for reality TV producers to handle. Let that sink in. - TV Squad

You missed Snoop Dogg on "One Life To Live." There's no reason to keep living at this point. - BWE

Memo to Lauren and Heidi; You're Not Fierce

There is very little more wonderful than this backhanded semi-apology from Christian Siriano, the tiny bitchy pixie of "Project Runway" fame. Apparently Ferocia Coutura herself was a little bit... dismissive of Heidi and Lauren's clothing collections, and he took a moment with MTV to explain himself and almost, sort-of apologize. Never have the words "jersey tube dress" been uttered with such disdain.

If I had millions of dollars, I'd hire Christian. Partially to make my clothes, but mostly to hang out with me and make fun of everything he saw. Admit it, you'd do it too. Won't someone give him his own show or something?

Best Of The Worst: The Anna Nicole Movie

I now officially have a big fat e-crush on FourFour, who has taken the mind-bogglingly, cosmically, stupendously bad Anna Nicole Smith biopic (which has been shunted unceremoniously onto the internet with no release date in sight) and distilled it down to seven minutes and thirty seconds of sheer awesome. It's like the love child of "Gia" and an after-school special, tarted up in spray tanner and pink lipstick. Truly the perfect send-off for Miss Anna Nicole.

Burma + Kardashians + Tragedy = Wacky Hijinks

The celebrities have been out in force making PSAs for the situation in Burma, which is the new cause du jour. I say, good on them. If you're going to have people paying excessive amounts of attention to you for no good reason, you might as well say something relevant once and a while. Of course, with something like this, you know someone is going to have to get in there and spray the whole thing down with some stupid and that's where we can count on the Kardashians.

I'm not sure what my favorite part of this is; the way Kim keeps checking out her ass, her inability to deliver any of her lines convincingly except "what's a thesis," or the cute, peppy music. The fans on her site are all up in arms about Kim's "comic" PSA, calling it tacky and inappropriate. When 13-year olds are calling you inappropriate, it's probably time to get out of the PSA business.

Colors Not Found In Nature

I have to agree with The Rad Report, Paris is looking eerily orange and shiny in this publicity shot for her creepy clip-in hair. With her eyes closed like that, she also looks a little bit like a creepy death mask of herself.  You be the judge, which looks more lifelike?

Actual Paris:

Plaster of Paris:

Admit it, if it weren't for the color (beige vs. orange) you'd have a hard time telling which was which.